I’m finding myself spending more time alone, wishing my other friends lived close enough to hang out with, or just wish I was more popular. I have never been popular. I have been friends with popular people, but I tend to hide in their shadows. I guess, it’s my fault. I have a hand full of friends, I’m a quiet person, and I have a hard time making friends. I tend to make a few friends and rely on them. My close group of girl friends have fallen apart. It’s just part of life, but the problem is I don’t have more people I want to hang out with and make memories with.
This upcoming weekend, I’m alone. It sounds dramatic or sad, but this is the time in my life where weekends are my time to have memories, go drinking, see a movie, or just hang out with people that make me happy. Friday, I work, then come home to an empty dorm, with no plans. Saturday, I have no plans. Sunday… same thing. I asked everyone in my friend group and even others I know in the area. Nothing. Fucking nothing. It’s depressing, if I focus on the fact I will be alone the whole weekend, but I can’t do that.
I’m trying a different process. I’m allowing myself to feel alone today, so when the weekend comes I can be productive, creative, and enjoy some time to myself. I might be physically alone, but this time will give me the space I need to do my homework and enjoy to city I study in.